說出你的真理，并在別人身上尋求它們

Say your truths and seek them in others

演講者：Casey Brown

Like many of us,?I've had several careers in my life,?and although they've been varied,?my first job set the foundation for all of them.?I was a home-birth midwife throughout my 20s.?Delivering babies taught me valuable and sometimes surprising things,?like how to start a car at 2am.?when it's 10 degrees below zero.

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像我們許多人一樣，我一生中從事過幾種職業(yè)，盡管它們多種多樣，但我的第一份工作奠定了基礎。 對于他們所有人。?我是一名家庭分娩助產(chǎn)士 在我20多歲的時候。?接生教會了我 有價值，有時令人驚訝的事情，比如如何在凌晨2點啟動汽車。?當它低于零下 10 度時。

Or how to revive a father who's fainted at the sight of blood.

或者如何復活父親 誰在看到血時暈倒了。

Or how to cut the umbilical cord just so,?to make a beautiful belly button.

或者如何剪斷臍帶，做一個漂亮的肚臍。

But those aren't the things that stuck with me or guided me?when I stopped being a midwife and started other jobs.?What stuck with me was this bedrock belief?that each one of us comes into this world with a unique worth.?When I looked into the face of a newborn,?I caught a glimpse of that worthiness,?that sense of unapologetic selfhood,?that unique spark.?I use the word "soul" to describe that spark,?because it's the only word in English that comes close to naming?what each baby brought into the room.

但這些都不是事情 當我不再做助產(chǎn)士時，它一直困擾著我或指導我 并開始了其他工作。?讓我難以忘懷的是這種堅如磐石的信念，即我們每個人都來到這個世界。 具有獨特的價值。?當我看著一個新生兒的臉時，我瞥見了那種價值，那種毫無歉意的自我感，那種獨特的火花。?我用“靈魂”這個詞 來描述這種火花，因為它是英語中唯一的單詞 這幾乎是每個嬰兒帶入房間的名字。

Every newborn was as singular as a snowflake,?a matchless mash-up of biology?and ancestry and mystery.?And then that baby grows up,?and in order to fit into the family,?to conform to the culture,?to the community, to the gender,?that little one begins to cover its soul,?layer by layer.?We're born this way,?but --

每個新生兒都是獨一無二的 作為一片雪花，生物學、祖先和神秘的無與倫比的混搭。?然后那個嬰兒長大了，為了融入家庭，為了適應文化，符合社區(qū)，符合性別，那個小家伙開始一層一層地覆蓋它的靈魂。?我們生來就是這樣，但是——

But as we grow, a lot of things happen to us?that make us ...?want to hide our soulful eccentricities and authenticity.?We've all done this.?Everyone in this room is a former baby --

但隨著我們的成長，很多 發(fā)生在我們身上的事情使我們...?想隱藏我們的深情 怪癖和真實性。?我們都這樣做了。?這個房間里的每個人都是以前的嬰兒——

with a distinctive birthright.?But as adults, we spend so much of our time uncomfortable in our own skin,?like we have ADD: authenticity deficit disorder.?But not those babies --?not yet.?Their message to me was:?uncover your soul?and look for that soul-spark?in everyone else.?It's still there.

具有獨特的與生俱來的權利。?但作為成年人，我們花了很多錢 我們的時間在我們自己的皮膚上不舒服，就像我們有 ADD： 真實性缺陷障礙。?但不是那些嬰兒 -?還沒有。?他們給我的信息是：揭開你的靈魂，在其他人身上尋找靈魂的火花。?它仍然在那里。

And here's what I learned from laboring women.?Their message was about staying open,?even when things are painful.?A woman's cervix normally looks like this.?It's a tight little muscle?at the base of the uterus.?And during labor, it has to stretch from this?to this.?Ouch!?If you fight against that pain,?you just create more pain,?and you block what wants to be born.

這是我學到的 來自勞動婦女。?他們的信息是保持開放，即使事情很痛苦。?女性的子宮頸通?？雌饋硐襁@樣。?它是子宮底部的一塊緊繃的小肌肉。?在分娩期間， 它必須從這里延伸到這里。?哎喲！?如果你與這種痛苦作斗爭，你只會制造更多的痛苦，你阻止了想要出生的東西。

I'll never forget the magic that would happen?when a woman stopped resisting the pain?and opened.?It was as if the forces of the universe took notice?and sent in a wave of help.?I never forgot that message,?and now, when difficult or painful things happen to me?in my life or my work,?of course at first I resist them,?but then I remember what I learned from the mothers:?stay open.?Stay curious.?Ask the pain what it's come to deliver.?Something new wants to be born.

我永遠不會忘記魔力?當一個女人停止抵抗疼痛并打開時，就會發(fā)生這種情況。?仿佛力量 的宇宙注意到并派出了一波幫助。?我從未忘記那條信息，現(xiàn)在，當困難時 或者在我的生活或工作中發(fā)生在我身上的痛苦事情，當然一開始我會抵制它們，但后來我想起了 我從母親那里學到的是：保持開放。?保持好奇心。?問問痛苦它會帶來什么。?新的東西想要誕生。

And there was one more big soulful lesson,?and that one I learned from Albert Einstein.?He wasn't at any of the births, but --

還有一個重要的深情教訓，我學到了那個。 來自阿爾伯特·愛因斯坦。?他沒有參加任何分娩，但是——

It was a lesson about time.?At the end of his life, Albert Einstein concluded?that our normal, hamster-wheel experience of life?is an illusion.?We run round and round, faster and faster,?trying to get somewhere.?And all the while,?underneath surface time is this whole other dimension?where the past and the present and the future merge?and become deep time.?And there's nowhere to get to.

這是一個關于時間的教訓。?在他生命的盡頭， 阿爾伯特·愛因斯坦得出結(jié)論，我們正常的倉鼠輪 對生活的體驗是一種幻覺。?我們跑了一圈又一圈，越來越快，試圖到達某個地方。?一直以來，在表面時間之下 是過去和現(xiàn)在的整個另一個維度嗎 和未來融合，成為深邃的時間。?而且無處可去。

Albert Einstein called this state, this dimension,?"only being."?And he said when he experienced it,?he knew sacred awe.?When I was delivering babies,?I was forced off the hamster wheel.?Sometimes I had to sit for days, hours and hours,?just breathing with the parents;?just being.?And I got a big dose of sacred awe.

阿爾伯特·愛因斯坦稱 這個狀態(tài)，這個維度，“只有存在”。?他說，當他經(jīng)歷它時，他知道神圣的敬畏。?當我分娩時，我被迫離開倉鼠輪。?有時我不得不坐好幾天， 幾個小時，只是和父母一起呼吸;?只是存在。?我得到了一股神圣的敬畏。

So those are the three lessons I took with me from midwifery.?One: uncover your soul.?Two: when things get difficult or painful, try to stay open.?And three: every now and then, step off your hamster wheel?into deep time.

所以這是三個教訓 我從助產(chǎn)士那里帶走了。?一：揭開你的靈魂。?二：當事情變得困難時 或痛苦，盡量保持開放。?三：時不時地， 離開你的倉鼠輪進入深時間。

Those lessons have served me throughout my life,?but they really served me recently,?when I took on the most important job of my life thus far.

這些教訓對我有用 在我的一生中，但他們最近真的為我服務，當我承擔最多的時候 到目前為止，我生命中的重要工作。

Two years ago, my younger sister came out of remission?from a rare blood cancer,?and the only treatment left for her was a bone marrow transplant.?And against the odds, we found a match for her,?who turned out to be me.?I come from a family of four girls,?and when my sisters found out that I was my sister's perfect genetic match,?their reaction was, "Really? You?"

兩年前，我的妹妹?從罕見的血癌中緩解出來，留給她的唯一治療方法 是骨髓移植。?逆境而行， 我們?yōu)樗业搅似ヅ鋵ο?，原來是我?我來自一個有四個女孩的家庭，當我的姐妹們發(fā)現(xiàn) 我是我姐姐的完美基因匹配，他們的反應是，“真的嗎？你？

"A perfect match for her?"?Which is pretty typical for siblings.?In a sibling society, there's lots of things.?There's love and there's friendship and there's protection.?But there's also jealousy?and competition?and rejection and attack.?In siblinghood, that's where we start assembling many of those first layers?that cover our soul.

“她是絕配？”?這對兄弟姐妹來說是非常典型的。?在兄弟姐妹社會中， 有很多事情。?有愛，有友誼 還有保護。?但也有嫉妒、競爭、拒絕和攻擊。?在兄弟姐妹中，這就是我們開始的地方 組裝許多覆蓋我們靈魂的第一層。

When I discovered I was my sister's match,?I went into research mode.?And I discovered that?the premise of transplants is pretty straightforward.?You destroy all the bone marrow in the cancer patient?with massive doses of chemotherapy,?and then you replace that marrow?with several million healthy marrow cells from a donor.?And then you do everything you can?to make sure that those new cells engraft in the patient.?I also learned that bone marrow transplants are fraught with danger.?If my sister made it through the near-lethal chemotherapy,?she still would face other challenges.?My cells?might attack her body.?And her body might reject my cells.?They call this rejection or attack,?and both could kill her.

當我發(fā)現(xiàn)我是姐姐的對手時，我進入了研究模式。?我發(fā)現(xiàn)移植的前提 很簡單。?你摧毀了所有的骨髓 在癌癥患者中接受大劑量化療，然后你用數(shù)百萬健康的骨髓代替骨髓 來自供體的骨髓細胞。?然后你盡你所能確保那些新細胞 植入患者體內(nèi)。?我還了解到骨髓 移植充滿了危險。?如果我姐姐成功了 通過近乎致命的化療，她仍然會面臨其他挑戰(zhàn)。?我的細胞可能會攻擊她的身體。?她的身體可能會排斥我的細胞。?他們稱之為拒絕或攻擊，兩者都可能殺死她。

Rejection. Attack.?Those words had a familiar ring?in the context of being siblings.?My sister and I had a long history of love,?but we also had a long history of rejection and attack,?from minor misunderstandings to bigger betrayals.?We didn't have the kind of the relationship?where we talked about the deeper stuff;?but, like many siblings and like people in all kinds of relationships,?we were hesitant to tell our truths,?to reveal our wounds,?to admit our wrongdoings.

拒絕。攻擊。?這些話在兄弟姐妹的語境中有著熟悉的響聲。?我和姐姐有 悠久的愛情歷史，但我們也有悠久的歷史 拒絕和攻擊，來自小誤解 到更大的背叛。?我們沒有?我們談論更深層次的東西的那種關系;?但是，像許多兄弟姐妹和喜歡的人一樣 在各種關系中，我們不愿說出真相，不愿透露自己的傷口，不愿承認自己的錯誤。

But when I learned about the dangers of rejection or attack,?I thought, it's time to change this.?What if we left the bone marrow transplant up to the doctors,?but did something that we later came to call our "soul marrow transplant?"?What if we faced any pain we had caused each other,?and instead of rejection or attack,?could we listen??Could we forgive??Could we merge??Would that teach our cells to do the same?

但是當我了解到 拒絕或攻擊的危險，我想，是時候改變這一點了。?如果我們離開骨髓怎么辦 移植到醫(yī)生那里，但做了一些我們后來來的事情 稱我們的“靈魂骨髓移植”？?如果我們面臨任何痛苦怎么辦 我們互相造成了對方，與其拒絕或攻擊，我們能傾聽嗎？?我們能原諒嗎？?我們可以合并嗎？?這會教我們的細胞也這樣做嗎？

To woo my skeptical sister, I turned to my parents' holy text:?the New Yorker Magazine.

為了討好我懷疑的妹妹， 我翻閱了我父母的圣書：《紐約客雜志》。

I sent her a cartoon from its pages?as a way of explaining why we should visit a therapist?before having my bone marrow harvested and transplanted into her body.?Here it is.

我從書頁中給她發(fā)了一幅漫畫，作為解釋的一種方式 為什么我們應該在摘取骨髓之前去看治療師 并移植到她的體內(nèi)。?在這里。

"I have never forgiven him for that thing I made up in my head."

“我從來沒有原諒過他的事情 我在腦子里下定了決心。

I told my sister?we had probably been doing the same thing,?carting around made-up stories in our heads that kept us separate.?And I told her that after the transplant,?all of the blood flowing in her veins?would be my blood,?made from my marrow cells,?and that inside the nucleus of each of those cells?is a complete set of my DNA.?"I will be swimming around in you for the rest of your life,"?I told my slightly horrified sister.

我告訴我姐姐，我們可能一直在做同樣的事情，到處編造的故事。 在我們的腦海中，這使我們分開。?我告訴她，移植后，她血管中流動的所有血液都是我的血液，由我的骨髓細胞制成，并且在細胞核內(nèi)。 這些細胞中的每一個都是我完整的一套DNA。?“我會在你身上游來游去 一輩子，“我告訴我有點驚恐的妹妹。

"I think we better clean up our relationship."

“我認為我們最好清理一下 我們的關系。

A health crisis makes people do all sorts of risky things,?like quitting a job or jumping out of an airplane?and, in the case of my sister,?saying "yes" to several therapy sessions,?during which we got down to the marrow.?We looked at and released years of stories?and assumptions about each other?and blame and shame?until all that was left was love.

健康危機使人們 做各種冒險的事情，比如辭職 或者跳下飛機，就我姐姐而言，對幾次治療說“是”，在此期間我們深入骨髓。?我們看了看并發(fā)布了多年來關于彼此的故事和假設，責備和羞恥，直到只剩下愛。

People have said I was brave to undergo the bone marrow harvest,?but I don't think so.?What felt brave to me?was that other kind of harvest and transplant,?the soul marrow transplant,?getting emotionally naked with another human being,?putting aside pride and defensiveness,?lifting the layers?and sharing with each other our vulnerable souls.?I called on those midwife lessons:?uncover your soul.?Open to what's scary and painful.?Look for the sacred awe.

人們說我很勇敢 進行骨髓收獲，但我不這么認為。?對我來說，勇敢的是另一種 收獲和移植，靈魂骨髓移植，情感赤裸 與另一個人，拋開驕傲和防御，層層疊疊，彼此分享 我們脆弱的靈魂。?我呼吁那些助產(chǎn)士的教訓：揭開你的靈魂。?對可怕和痛苦的事情敞開心扉。?尋找神圣的敬畏。

Here I am with my marrow cells after the harvest.?That's they call it -- "harvest,"?like it's some kind of bucolic farm-to-table event --

我和我的骨髓細胞在這里 收獲后。?這就是他們所說的——“收獲”，就像是某種田園風光。 從農(nóng)場到餐桌的活動 --

Which I can assure you it is not.?And here is my brave, brave sister?receiving my cells.?After the transplant, we began to spend more and more time together.?It was as if we were little girls again.?The past and the present merged.?We entered deep time.?I left the hamster wheel of work and life?to join my sister?on that lonely island?of illness and healing.?We spent months together --?in the isolation unit,?in the hospital and in her home.

我可以向你保證，事實并非如此。?這是我勇敢的，勇敢的姐姐接受我的細胞。?移植后，我們開始花 在一起的時間越來越多。?就好像我們又是小女孩一樣。?過去和現(xiàn)在融合在一起。?我們進入了深邃的時間。?我離開了工作和生活的倉鼠輪，和姐姐一起踏上了那個孤獨的疾病和治愈之島。?我們一起度過了幾個月 -?在隔離病房，在醫(yī)院和她的家中。

Our fast-paced society?does not support or even value this kind of work.?We see it as a disruption of real life and important work.?We worry about the emotional drain and the financial cost --?and, yes, there is a financial cost.?But I was paid?in the kind of currency our culture seems to have forgotten all about.?I was paid in love.?I was paid in soul.?I was paid in my sister.

我們快節(jié)奏的社會不支持甚至不重視 這種工作。?我們認為這是一種顛覆 現(xiàn)實生活和重要工作。?我們擔心情緒消耗?還有財務成本——是的，還有財務成本。?但我是以我們的文化支付的貨幣 似乎已經(jīng)忘記了這一切。?我得到了愛的報酬。?我得到了靈魂的報酬。?我是在我姐姐那里得到報酬的。

My sister said the year after transplant was the best year of her life,?which was surprising.?She suffered so much.?But she said life never tasted as sweet,?and that because of the soul-baring?and the truth-telling we had done with each other,?she became more unapologetically herself?with everyone.?She said things she'd always needed to say.?She did things she always wanted to do.?The same happened for me.?I became braver about being authentic with the people in my life.?I said my truths,?but more important than that, I sought the truth of others.

我姐姐說移植后的第二年 是她一生中最美好的一年，令人驚訝。?她受了那么多苦。?但她說，生活從來沒有嘗到過甜蜜的味道，因為靈魂裸露和講真話。 我們彼此相處了，她對每個人都變得更加無怨無悔。?她說的話 她總是需要說。?她做了她一直想做的事情。?同樣的事情也發(fā)生在我身上。?我變得更勇敢地做真實 和我生命中的人在一起。?我說了我的真相，但比這更重要， 我尋求別人的真理。

It wasn't until the final chapter of this story?that I realized just how well midwifery had trained me.?After that best year of my sister's life,?the cancer came roaring back,?and this time there was nothing more the doctors could do.?They gave her just a couple of months to live.

直到 這個故事的最后一章，我意識到了它有多好 助產(chǎn)士培訓了我。?在我姐姐生命中最美好的一年之后，癌癥又卷土重來，這一次什么都沒有了 醫(yī)生可以做到。?他們給了她只是 還有幾個月的生命。

The night before my sister died,?I sat by her bedside.?She was so small and thin.?I could see the blood pulsing in her neck.?It was my blood, her blood, our blood.?When she died, part of me would die, too.

姐姐去世的前一天晚上，我坐在她的床邊。?她又小又瘦。?我可以看到她脖子上的血液在跳動。?那是我的血，她的血，我們的血。?當她死的時候，我的一部分也會死去。

I tried to make sense of it all,?how becoming one with each other?had made us more ourselves,?our soul selves,?and how by facing and opening to the pain of our past,?we'd finally been delivered to each other,?and how by stepping out of time,?we would now be connected forever.

我試圖理解這一切，如何彼此合而為一，使我們更加自我，我們的靈魂自我，以及如何通過面對和開放來面對和開放。 在過去的痛苦中，我們終於被交付給彼此，以及通過走出時間，我們現(xiàn)在將永遠連結(jié)在一起。

My sister left me with so many things,?and I'm going to leave you now with just one of them.?You don't have to wait for a life-or-death situation?to clean up the relationships that matter to you,?to offer the marrow of your soul?and to seek it in another.?We can all do this.?We can be like a new kind of first responder,?like the one to take the first courageous step?toward the other,?and to do something or try to do something?other than rejection or attack.?We can do this with our siblings?and our mates?and our friends and our colleagues.?We can do this with the disconnection?and the discord all around us.?We can do this for the soul of the world.

我姐姐給我留下了很多東西，我現(xiàn)在就要離開你 只有其中之一。?您不必等待 為了生死攸關的局面來清理關系 這對你來說很重要，獻上你靈魂的骨髓并在另一個人身上尋求它。?我們都可以做到這一點。?我們可以像一種新的 的第一響應者，就像要帶走的那個 勇敢地邁向?qū)Ψ降牡谝徊?，做某事或試圖做某事，而不是拒絕或攻擊。?我們可以與我們的兄弟姐妹、我們的伙伴、我們的朋友和我們的同事一起做到這一點。?我們可以在我們周圍的斷開連接和不和諧的情況下做到這一點。?我們可以為世界的靈魂做到這一點。

Thank you.

謝謝。

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